Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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