trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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