He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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