You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
