wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
