On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I just put wine in my tea
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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