Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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