Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
