Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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