I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
