what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
