i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
