I want to have your abortion
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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