I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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