very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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