I skipped work to stalk him.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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