remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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