Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
