Can Purell be used as lube?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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