onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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