I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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