I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
