that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
