Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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