ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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