I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will pee on everything he values.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
