We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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