even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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