His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
