I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
