my vag is so smooth its legendary
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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