I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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