you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
