theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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