Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
