I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
