Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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