So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
