Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
