Dual....:-)
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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