There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
