So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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