First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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