worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
