A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
