if you like me you must not know who I am
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
