hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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