i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
