Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish you could order shots online.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
