I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
