No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
