I hate your face
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
