I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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