I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
