So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
