matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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