only you would photoshop your dick
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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