Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
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I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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