so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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