Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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