Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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