my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
