My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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