And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
