Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
