I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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