yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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