I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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