Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
