ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
