Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
